Purpose After Tragedy
by shadowsilv3r
Summary: Is it humanly possible to experience the things that Marian Hawke experienced in Kirkwall and walk away undamaged? The answer: No, it isn't... Follow the Journey of the former Champion of Kirkwall post Chantry destruction to find out how she will recover emotionally from the tragedy in a world at war. Warning; Character death
1. Day zero: Prologue

**The image belongs to Pix-malou.**

**Chapter O**

_Day of the Kirkwall incident…_

The snow delicately descended upon the great cliffs of Kirkwall as five figures stood around three graves buried near the edge of the cliff. The middle individual looked from grave to grave with blue eyes as deep and fathomless as the ocean; eyes that had reddened from hours of silent crying. She would have continued shedding tear after tear had she not dried up.

Her name was Marian Hawke; rogue, noble, mage sympathizer, and former Champion of Kirkwall.

One by one, each of her remaining companions turned around and left to go their separate ways, until only she remained until she to, turned away…

_Herein lies Donnic and Aveline Hendyr_

_A loving couple loved by many_

V

_Herein lies Fenris_

_A free man_

V

_Herein lies Anders_

_Lover to Marian Hawke, healer to us all_

What a lie that was in Marian's eyes.


	2. days 15-16: Console

**Most of you have reviewed saying that it wasn't fair about Anders and Fenris being dead, well I must inform you that they are in fact dead, that doesn't mean that I'll just not have them in the story, for the study of Hawke's relationship with Both Fenris and Anders is the key plot in this story. So expect a lot of flashbacks. Possibly not all in chronological order… I haven't decided yet.**

**Also, despite this getting a relatively quick update, this is a side project to my other stories like Vallaslin and Lyrium, so don't expect regular updates.**

**Chapter I**

_15 days post Kirkwall incident…_

Hawke stabbed one of her blade into the final bounty hunter's chest to make sure that the man was truly dead and not feigning death. Her heavy breathing was the only thing heard in the wide, snow covered clearing as she removed the dagger and went about cleaning her blade.

As she did this she looked around, the other five bounty hunters lay dead in the blood-stained snow as the fresh flakes fell upon their cut and bloodied bodies. Each one with eyes starring wide while seeing nothing, much like _His_ were after…

'_No,'_ Marian mentally told herself as she shook her head to get rid of the image from her mind; she refused to even think of _Him_ in passing, not after everything _He_ had done to those innocent people.

Everything _He_ had done to her…

After successfully suppressing the image of _Him_ from the forefront of her mind, at least for now, she began her busyness of looting the corpses of the bounty hunters for anything valuable. It was a messy task, shifting through the freshly killed bodies for food, money, survival equipment, weapons, often covered in blood that still oozed from the wounds, but if she was to survive, it was a must that she do the deed.

When she was down, she found a bundle throwing knives, a sack of moderately fresh apples, a reasonable supply of health potions, a number of personal objects that she could trade at a novelty shop, and about thirty gold pieces among the corpses; about five gold for each of the bounty hunters, perhaps upfront payment for the job of tracking and bringing her in.

She released a sigh of exhaustion; this had been the fifth bounty group she's had to fight off in the last two weeks. That was not counting the three groups she had to evade. The chantry has become quite restless in their pursuit of her.

Finding nothing else of value among the dead, Hawke put what she did find in her travel sack, slung it over her shoulder and headed back to the small abandoned cabin she had been using for a few days.

V

She managed to reach the wooden shack just as the winter weather picked up; the wind howling and whistling. The snow whipped her face as she struggled to keep her hood up with all the wind that cut through her mercilessly. Opening the door to the cabin she entered and closed the door, she then went to the fireplace and pulled out a Flintstone and started a fire to help warm the frigid cabin.

Once she got a self-sustaining fire going. She pulled off her winter fur coat and got out a map of the free marches and neighboring countries. She looked around until she found her location, somewhere north of the eastern Vimmark Mountains, she just needed to get to the free city-state of Markham, then head towards Hercinia, and purchase a boat to Rivain, maybe hide out in either the city of Afsaana or Dairsmuid until everything calmed down in Kirkwall and the chantry eventually gives up on hunting her.

Shortly afterwards, a yawn made its way passed her lips, and panic began to overtake her. for she was getting tired, it was night time, but any time she was asleep she was vulnerable to bounty hunters that might find the cabin.

It was also the only time she couldn't block out memories of _Him._

She decided that she needed to stay awake, for her own safety and sanity. So she tried to do things to preoccupy her mind. She ate two of the more spoiled apples, the ones that wouldn't survive another few days. She cleaned and fixed up her armor and weapons. She even tried pacing around the main room of the cabin, always trying to avoid looking at the bedroom door so she wouldn't get tempted.

After an hour of stubbornly fighting yawn after yawn; Hawke finally conceded and decided that she would go insane faster if she tried to avoid sleep then actually getting sleep. So she got out of her armor and cloths and crawled into bed; dread plaguing her mind as she slowly lost consciousness.

V

_In Hawke's dream, she was back in Kirkwall, during the summer three years ago. Her vision was fogged over as she walked through Darktown early in the morning. She always hated the place; it reeked of human feces and rotting rat corpses, how Anders could live in such a place and still maintain a relatively clean clinic was well and truly beyond her._

_But none of that mattered to her right now; she trudged along with her head hunched and her arms around her clinging to one another for support as she shivered repeatedly from a chill that wasn't there, physically anyway. She just needed to find Anders, she just needed someone to find console in._

_Once she reached the pair of doors that lead to the mage's clinic, she rapidly knocked on the wood until the slot in the door at eye level opened to reveal a pair of hazel eyes. Those eyes scanned the area until they spotted Hawke and opening the door to allow her entrance._

"_He… he left me Anders… I can't believe Fenris left me!" Hawke mumbled weakly as she starred at the ground, her arms still clutching onto each other._

"_I warned you about him,"____Anders calmly stated as Hawke began pacing around the clinic aimlessly._

"_To… to think, I had trusted him, and he just left me like I'm a common whore," tears began running down her face as she sat down on one of the sickbeds, her legs going weak on her, "I was a fool to allow him in!"_

"_No… he was a fool to leave you," Hawke finally raised her head up at that as Anders sat down next to her, "He had found something beautiful, and he was too swallowed up by his hatred to see it,"_

_Anders then brushed a strand of hair out of Hawke's eyes as he said, "If it were me, I'd never leave you,"_

_Marian smiled sadly at him before she politely excused herself and took her leave._

V

_16 days post Kirkwall incident…_

Marian awoke the next morning feeling more drained then before she slept; sure her body had been rejuvenated, but her mind ached terribly as the memory plagued her.

She decided to look back on it, and realized that _He_ had a sly smirk on his face the whole time she had been pouring her sadness and frustration out.

_He_ had taken advantage of her while she was vulnerable.

Upon this revelation, Marian grabbed the closest thing she could find, a pillow, and threw it as hard as she could, the soft bundle of feathers harmlessly collided with the wall; no shattering or breaking, and thus, no release of frustration.

So she simply got dressed and had breakfast, which consisted of two more apples. Afterwards she went about polishing her equipment despite doing it last night before heading out on her trek through the freezing cold of the dawn.


End file.
